Finding Common Ground

We’re constantly given messages about how we differ and where we belong. Labels can be tools for self-expression and community building. However, when they become rigid boxes or expectations, they can limit our understanding of each other and ourselves, creating divisions and distracting us from our shared challenges.

Each of us brings unique talents, strengths, perspectives, beliefs, hopes, and experiences. We don’t need to fit into a predetermined category to deserve respect or belonging. Beneath our differences lies a shared humanity. When we recognize this common ground, we can address shared challenges while building a more inclusive and compassionate world.

We all want to feel seen, accepted, and connected. Yet messages about who we should be can begin early, even through something as simple as a toy.

The Freedom to Play and Choose

Children often hear that dolls are for girls and action figures are for boys. But toys don’t have to come with rules about who should play with them or what’s “right” for a child’s gender.

I wasn’t especially drawn to dolls or action figures. I preferred Legos and blocks because they offered endless possibilities. I could build whatever I imagined. Once, someone gave me a Barbie. I styled and cut her hair. That was the extent of my interest in the doll. Later, I passed the dolls along to my younger sister as I received them.

To me, the toy was just a toy. Society, however, can attach a story to it: This is for girls; that is for boys. I’ve often wondered what we might learn about children if we focused less on what their choices supposedly mean and more on their curiosity and creativity.

The Freedom to Like What You Like

A few years ago, I spoke with a mother of two boys. She told me that her five-year-old son came home from school deeply upset. His teacher had asked the class to share their favorite movie. He chose Disney’s Frozen. Some of his female classmates teased him for choosing a “girly” movie.

His mother tried to reassure him, but he struggled to believe her. He thought she would say anything to make him feel better. To him, his classmates were right, and something was wrong with his choice.

Later, I came across an interview on a reality show with a man who had climbed to the summit of Villarrica, an active volcano. He shared that he loved Disney princess movies and knew the characters by name. I sent the clip to the boy’s mother, who showed it to her son. 

The video helped him feel less alone. Here was a man who enjoyed the same movies and who had also done something that took courage and strength. His interests didn’t define what he was capable of.

That sense of acceptance seemed to open a door. The boy began asking more vulnerable questions, including, “Why don’t men cry?” He hadn’t seen his father cry, so he wondered whether men did. He was told that men cry just like anyone else; he simply hadn’t been there to see it.

What stayed with me was how one small example helped a child question a limiting belief. He didn’t need to be told who to be. He needed to know that he was allowed to be himself.

When Labels Create Confusion at Work

The same pattern shows up in professional life. Organizations use acronyms, definitions, and internal terminology to describe their work. Sometimes those terms overlap; sometimes the same word means different things in different places.

For people joining a company, changing roles, or moving to a new department or employer, unfamiliar language can lead to misalignment and frustration. Without clear communication and thoughtful onboarding, people may spend valuable time decoding the culture instead of contributing confidently. Some eventually settle in; others leave, taking their experience and potential with them. This turnover can also put pressure on teams trying to build trust, collaborate, and meet shared goals.

Misunderstandings can also arise between contractors and customers. Each side may use its own terminology, assuming the other understands it in the same way. A conversation that begins with good intentions can turn into a tug-of-war over whose definition is correct, leading to scope creep, unexpected work, and strained relationships.

The deeper question isn’t simply, “Who is right?” It’s: What are our intentions, and what are we trying to accomplish together? Are we trying to win the conversation, or are we trying to create a solution that works for everyone? 

When people slow down, clarify what they mean, and listen for what the other person needs, they can reduce frustration, build trust, and work toward outcomes that serve both sides.

Making Room for Each Other

Across these stories—a child choosing a movie, someone learning a new workplace, and a customer and contractor aligning on a project—a similar pattern appears: we make assumptions about what someone’s choices or words mean, and those assumptions can create distance. A more constructive response is to:

• Pause: What am I assuming?
• Get curious: What else might explain this?
• Clarify: Ask, “What do you mean by that?” or “Have I understood you correctly?”
• Choose a shared next step: “What outcome would work for both of us?”

The next time a choice or comment surprises you, pause before deciding what it means. Ask a curious question, check your understanding, and look for a next step you can agree on. Small moments like these can help people feel safer being themselves and help teams work together with greater trust.

Coaching can help professionals and teams recognize the assumptions and communication patterns creating friction, then practice clearer ways to build understanding and move forward.

Questions for Reflection

• What experiences have shaped how you respond when you feel expected to fit a label or role?
• How might your assumptions about someone’s choices or communication style influence the way you interact with them?
• What could help you move from trying to be right toward understanding one another and finding a way forward?

Remembering Our Shared Humanity

Labels and assumptions can create distance in childhood, personal relationships, or the workplace. As part of a collective, we can foster inclusion, unity, and harmony by listening with curiosity, respecting different experiences, and making space for one another, even when we disagree. 

It starts with how we listen and respond. Rather than focusing on who is right, we can seek understanding and find a way forward together.

John Lennon’s “Imagine” offers a reminder to look beyond the divisions that separate us and envision a world grounded in peace, equality, and shared humanity. Consider listening to this version, performed by artists from around the globe. A powerful example of many voices coming together.