Have you ever found yourself caught between two worlds, struggling to define who you really are?

Life is filled with expected and unexpected transitions. The known ones seem to have been pre-written before I entered this world. Like many first-generation Asian Americans, my parents created a life roadmap that they believed would lead to a successful and desirable American dream for their child.

My grandparents arrived in the United States (specifically New York City) with the hope and determination to gain a better life for their children and descendants, filled with courage, strength, resilience, and the hope of never experiencing war, poverty, or famine as they did. The hardships and work ethic of my ancestors run through my veins, and I take pride in that legacy. However, their traditions and societal norms have also carried over to the new land where freedom and independence were founded.

This is where my journey begins—navigating the complexities of mixed cultural societies and feeling the weight of expectations.

Shouldering the responsibilities and duties of the eldest child, I was torn between honoring my parents’ dreams and making space for my own identity. The pressure was suffocating, and there were moments I questioned if I could ever fulfill both roles without losing myself.

From a young age, I had no choice but to accept my responsibilities because my siblings depended on me while our parents worked long, feverish hours.

Their presence was limited due to their commitment to providing for the family. For years, I worked to be the best role model for them with many accomplishments in school and my engineering career; partly rebellious of old ideas and, at times, having to take the less resistant path for self-perseverance of my true self and better future for my siblings. There was a lot of patience, hope, and survival to hold onto my integrity. 

As an individual, it was easier to connect with my own needs and wants; however, external influences lie in my subconscious.

I have broken some of the molds from my parents’ life roadmap and I would admit I was their biggest challenge. Then, I married and took the roles as stepmother and step-grandmother in a non-traditional and broken Christian American family of seven. For over a decade, I balanced the demands of a full-time career as an engineer/team lead/project manager with the unexpected turbulences of family life. It tested every ounce of my willpower and strength, leaving me at times scrambling to hold onto my sense of self. In the midst of it all, I began to lose track of myself. Like many others caught in the motions of life and overwhelmed by work and family, my sense of self began to dissolve, making it harder to differentiate between my own needs, wants, and desires. I became very good at managing life, supporting my family, leading my teams, and being an adviser to my siblings. Patience and resilience were at the forefront.

Just as I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel—transitioning to empty nesters and my husband’s semi-retirement—we embraced a new chapter.

We decided to downsize, embracing minimalism and igniting our passion for travel. With no daily life distractions, the big questions of “Self” emerge for me to answer my purpose as I travel the globe. The constant pondering and endless thoughts led me to reflect to reconnect with myself. I found joy in connecting with others, nurturing their growth, and inspiring them to explore new ideas that fulfilled their deepest needs—this became my mission. In late 2023, I came across coaching services and their values to people and decided to start my coaching journey to become a coach in parallel with reconnecting to my true self to have more gratitude and appreciation for life and to rediscover the things that I have put on hold for others.

Now, I dedicate my life to helping others forge connections and also embrace their true selves—with themselves and with others. I believe that when we align with our values and strengths, we don’t just achieve success; we cultivate joy and fulfillment in every facet of life and interactions, both personally and professionally.